i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize