What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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