I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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