Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Boobs are out for the taking
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
