I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
