Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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