Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
