he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
