True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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