does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
