Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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