We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
