Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
