I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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