This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize