Tell her she can't have a vagina
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Im part way to drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
