I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
