1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
