and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
