if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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