I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
