Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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