She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
