My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize