she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
