Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize