so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize