I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am available for nakedness
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize