It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
