Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
