dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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