he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
