Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
