He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
