so let's talk penis.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
