Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
