Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
