This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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