4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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