I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
