you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
