I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
