Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
