Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
