Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
