you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize