I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
