i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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