get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
