Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
