one two three fourrrrnication!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
