I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
