she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Semen is not good for contacts.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
