Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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