There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
