Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
