I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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