The maid of honor just puked.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Couch. On fire.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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