In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
