not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
