We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
