i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize