i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
