My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
