AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
