Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
