I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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