Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
