Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
