ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize