i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
