if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
