you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
