i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
