Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know her cup size but not her name....
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