I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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